Chuckisms: The way of a Legend

There is no theory of Evolution, Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

In the Bible Jesus turned water into wine.  But the Chuck Norrs turned that wine into beer. 

Time waits for no man.  Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your decendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell " what the hell was that?!"

There are no steroids in baseball.  Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer.  Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger by yelling "Bang!"

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage.  We know this beverage as Red BUll

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble you win, Forever.

The following is a short list of things Chuck Norris can't do: .

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris isn't funny.  Stop Laughing.

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

When Chuck Norris falls into the water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet, The water gets Cuchk Norris.

When God said "Let there be light" Chuck Norris said "Say Please"

If you have $5 and Chuck Norris has $5, Chuck Norris has more money than you. 

Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.

Guns don't kill people.  Chuck Norris Kills people.

Crop Circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.

Chuck Norris can win a game of connect four in only three moves. 

Chuck Norris (period)

Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009, his flower will be the Magnolia

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that rounhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone.  This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

Teenage Mutan Ninja Turtles is based on a true story.  Chuck Norris oncw swallowed  a turtle whole and when he crapped it out it was six feet tall and had learned karate.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse...horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

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