Scabenga: 2011

The Arrogance of Authority

A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas , and talked with an old rancher.
He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."
The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out the location.
The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me !"
Reaching into his rear pants pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher.

"See this f*****g badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land !!
No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear......do you understand ?!! "
The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull......

With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.
The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....

(I just love this part....)

Your badge, show him your f*****g BADGE........ ! !

Bodybuilding Motivation

Productivity and time go hand in hand. you must use your time wisely because you can never buy time back. Every minute you wait, every minute you procrastinate, every minute you decide to sit out is minutes wasted from the end result. Inception is the beginning piece to your life. Action is necessary, but giving it your all in each task is what will provide you with success. What are you going to do but more importantly, how are you going to do it?....mistakes are a part of life but mistakes are needed to get past all our mental barriers.

Toilet Cleaning

This is simply too much of a time saver not to share it with you!

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom...

3. In one smooth movement put the cat in the toilet and close the lid.

You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds.
Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5.. Flush the toilet three or four times, this provides a 'power-wash and rinse'.

6. Have someone open the front door of your home.
Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can and quickly lift the lid.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom and run outside where he will dry himself off.
9.. Both the toilet and the cat will be sparkling clean..

Yours Sincerely

THE DOG

Loaded Guns - Arm Training Session

I've put together this killer arm-training session. I've mixed up the order of biceps and triceps to let one group rest while the other is working. Be sure to rep out the supersets at the end and wear your cut-off t-shirt to the gym - the pumps are intense!!

Barbell Curls - 4 x 10-12
(1 warm-up set, 3 working sets)

Tricep Rope Pressdowns - 4 x 15
(1 warm-up set, 3 working sets)

Cross-body Hammer Curls - 3 x 12

Skull Crushers - 3 x 10

Cable Curls - 3 x 8

One-arm Reverse Cable Pull-downs -

Concentration Curls - 2 x Max
SUPERSET WITH:
Bench Dips - 2 x Max

Come on guys let me know what you think...

Enjoy.

DANGERS OF GOLF

A men’s foursome was waiting at the tee while a women’s foursome was driving from the ladies' tee.
The ladies were taking their time.

When the final lady was ready to hit her ball, she hacked it 10 feet. Then she went over, played her second shot and missed it completely.
Then she shanked it another ten feet and finally topped it five feet onto the cart path.

She looked up at the patiently waiting men and said apologetically;

I guess all those f***ing lessons I took over the winter didn't help.

One of the men responded; "Well, there you have it! You should have taken golf lessons instead!"

According to eye witnesses, he never even had a chance to duck.

Gym Program

I have been asked what program I am using to reach the Body of Zeus. I am about to let the world know so you too can be just like me....

Day 1:

Chest
- flat bench press - 3 sets reach failure every time
- Incline dumbell press - 3 sets failing at about 10 reps
- Peck Deck Flies - 3/4 sets
- Cables (either pulling down or up) 3 sets

Biceps
- hammer curls - 3 sets
- Ezee bar curls (weight getting heavier) failure about 8/10 reps
- 21's (straight bar)
- Cable curls

Worst Tattoo Ever

Now as some of you might know, I do like a tattoo but what I am about to show you is what is know in the industry as the Worst Tattoo in the World. Please people do not put this on your body.

Enjoy

Movember Group

Hello Lads and Ladies

The time has come to donate your face for the greater good of MAN. Yes we are doing this so we can raise awareness and funds for Prostate Cancer. Yes this is a serious matter for men.

So for all the MEN out there, what do you need to do...
1 - Register on the Movember website
2 - Have a clean shave on the morning of November 1st
3 - Grow a Moustache

So for all the LADIES out there, what do you have to do.... (this is a bit more fun)
1 - Register on Movember website
2 - Have a clean shave or wax on November 1st
3 - Keep your Movember Tash in tack. Yes it is where you are thinking. Remember its for CHARITY

Simples.....

My profile is http://mobro.co/craigriley7

So once you have registered on the Movember website you need to JOIN my Team. So go to the Teams section and search for Beard of Zeus and the join

Lets have some fun and remember this is all for the Greater good of MAN.

Website Developer Needed

I am looking for a Web Developer to work on a project that I have been brought in on. If you know of anyone or are in actual fact a developer please get in touch with me.

What I am looking for:
- Someone who can write code, open to suggestions
- Has dedicated time to work on this project.
- Can give input and advice of the setup of the site
Who likes to earn money
and much more

Please drop me an email craig@scabenga.co.uk

Movember Begins

Hi,

Moustache Season is upon us, so I’ve decided to register for Movember and embrace the hair of the wild. I’ve pledged to cultivate a genuine 100% face grown moustache for 30 days to raise awareness and funds for men’s health, specifically prostate and testicular cancer.

Now, I’m on the hunt for fellow trusty and fearless pioneers to join me by signing up to my team. Together we can change the face of men’s health.

To join my Movember team go tohttps://www.movember.com/uk/register/details/team_id/274262

Movember is about raising funds and awareness for men's health, specifically prostate cancer and testicular cancer. Did you know one man dies every hour from prostate cancer in the UK each year and more than 2,000 men will be diagnosed with testicular cancer this year.
The more people we can get to become Citizens of Movember, the more lives we can impact. You can either grow a moustache as a Mo Bro, or join as a Mo Sista to show your support and help recruit other Mo growers to the team.

Once registered, Movember will send you all the information you need to raise funds and start raising awareness for men’s health as part of my Movember team.

If you’d like to find out more about the type of work you’d be helping to fund by supporting Movember, take a look at the Programmes We Fund section on the Movember website:http://uk.movember.com/about

Please join me at https://www.movember.com/uk/register/details/team_id/274262

Craig Riley

Your Calling

Most people when they are growing up have an idea what they want to be when they grow up, a lawyer, a doctor some people fall into a career as they leave school or university.

But for the most they will go through life trying different jobs and will be looking for their calling.

What is their calling?? Only they will know when it hits them. It might be a new job, it might be to help a friend in need or it might be to get their life in order.

With what ever u do and what ever path u take u should always o it your way and it must always be done with style.

So if u are still waiting for your calling from the mother ship, you must still be doing what ever u do with your unique style.

Scabenga Style

Using your common sense to achieve!

A man boarded an aircraft at London Heathrow Airport for New York , and taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He realised she was heading straight toward his seat and bingo - she took the seat right beside him.
Hello', he blurted out, 'Business trip or vacation?' She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, 'Business. I'm going to the annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States .'

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, 'What's your business role at this convention?'
Lecturer,' she responded. 'I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.
'Really', he smiled, 'what myths are those?'

Well,' she explained, 'one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent. We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish.'

Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. 'I'm sorry,' she said. 'I really shouldn't be discussing this with you; I don't even know your name!'

Tonto,' the man said. 'Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me Paddy.'

Israel's new airport security

TEL AVIV, Israel — The Israelis are developing an airport security device that eliminates the privacy concerns that come with full-body scanners. It's an armoured booth you step into that will not X-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on your person.

Israel sees this as a win-win situation for everyone, with none of this crap about racial profiling. It will also eliminate the costs of long and expensive trials.

You're in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion. Shortly thereafter, an announcement: “Attention to all standby passengers, El Al is proud to announce a seat available on flight 670 to London. Shalom!”

Sunday Humour

A le humour for this Sunny Sunday

A Diet Plan that actually works

Diet Plans, some work and some do not. Are you tired of trying something and it not working. Well I have found a diet that actually works. I recommend watching this short video clip to give you all the information you need to start changing your life.

Diary of an Englishman in Kariba

August 1

Just got transferred with work from London, UK to our new home in Chawara , Northern Kariba .
Now this is a town that knows how to live!
Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings.
I watched the sunset from a deckchair by our pool yesterday.
It was beautiful.
I've finally found my new home.
I love it here.

September 1

Really heating up now.
It got to 31 today.
No problem though.
Living in air-conditioned home, driving air-conditioned car.
What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this.
I'm turning into a sun-worshipper - no blasted rain like back in London !!

Planking

We have talked about Extreme Ironing before and another craze that is emerging around the world and it is Planking. The idea of planking is to have your photo taken in random places. You have to assume the position and the position is lying on your stomach with your hands by your sides.

Take a look at the Extreme Planking

So I was away this weekend, Yes I got out of London and went to visit friends of mine who live in Gloucester and wowie was it exactly what I needed to clear my head.

I have passed through Gloucester once or twice in my life and I must say it is a lovely place. It is farming territory so there are all the fields and very green. The air tasted better that smoggy London.

We arrived on Friday night and the trip was good except the M25 (what's new) we got there in 2.5hrs. What was nice on arrival was a cold beer waiting and some hot food. What lovely hosts they are.

National Geographic Photography Competition

This photo below of a cougar asleep in a tree won first prize in the 2011 National Geographic Photography Competition

Amazing Photo

These animals remain beautiful, but yet so dangerous

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TRX Fitness

With Body of Zeus in full swing I am always looking to train that little bit more and I found this awesome training system. TRX. I learned this from my good friend Gail Ball, I have written a bout Gail in the past).

TRX Training is all about using your own bodyweight to train with. The system is very simple when you think about it but there has been a huge amount of thought gone into this training.

Below is a video for you to get more of an idea about TRX and if you would like to speak to someone to ask some questions, I would recommend speaking to Gail Ball and let her help you out. To visit Gail's website please go to http://www.gailballpersonaltraining.com/.

Muslim goes to heaven

A Muslim dies and finds himself before the Pearly Gates..

He is very excited, as all his life he has longed to meet the Prophet Mohammed. Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven, he meets a man with a beard.

"Are you Mohammed?" he asks.

"No, my son. I am Peter. Mohammed is higher up." And he points to a ladder that rises into the clouds.

Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than Peter, he climbs the ladder in great strides, climbs through the clouds coming to a room where he meets another bearded man.

He asks again, "Are you Mohammed?"

"No, I am Moses. Mohammed is higher still."

Exhausted, but with a heart full of joy he continues to climb the ladder and, yet again, he discovers an even larger room where he meets another man with a beard.

Full of hope, he asks again, "Are you Mohammed?"

"No, I am Jesus.... You will find Mohammed higher up."

Mohammed higher than Jesus!

The poor man can hardly contain his delight and climbs and climbs, ever higher. Once again he reaches a larger room where he meets a man with a beard and repeats his question:

"Are you Mohammed?" he gasps as he is, by now, totally out of breath from all his climbing

"No my son.....I am God. But you look exhausted. Would you like a coffee?"

"Yes, please, my Lord."

God looks behind him, claps his hands and calls out:

"Hey Mohammed, two coffees !!!!"

5 Pearls of Wisdom

1. Money cannot buy happiness but somehow, it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes Benz than on a bicycle.

2. Forgive your enemy but remember the bastard’s name.

3. Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.

4. Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them.

5. Alcohol does not solve any problem, but then neither does milk.

Body of Zeus

So the time has come and my head is screwed on right for me to start hotting the gym. I have been know to hot the gym from time to time and I am not in the mood to do it again. I am going home at the end of the year and being Africa the sun will be out so as the saying goes "Suns out, Guns out".

Body of Zeus will be the tag that my gym story will go by. I will be posting up updates on my progress as well as training tips for you to check out.

Watch this space.....

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Drunk Photos

Reasons why you should NOT drink with friends who have Cameras

Enjoy...

I came across Narja from Rebel Gorilla when I was looking for a logo company for one of Scabenga PR's clients and I was very impressed with how professional Narja was about her work. She spoke with such enthusiasm about potential logos she had in mind for the client.

My client was looking for a striking logo that was unique to the client and also for a well designed website and I was very fortunate that Rebel Gorilla could cover all these aspects.

If you are looking for a new logo or creative design for your business then I would recommend that you get in touch with Narja and have a chat with her and see how she can benefit your business.

To get in touch with Narja

Cool Art that messes with your head

11 SHIPS OR 3 SHIPS & 8 ARCHES?

Young Sipho goes into the kitchen where his mother is baking.

He puts his hands in the flour and covers his head with it.

He says: "Look mamma, I am a white boy!"

His mother slaps him hard on the face and says: "Sipho, go show your dad what you've done!!"

So he does, and his dad slaps him too.

His granny happens to be right next to his dad and she slaps him vehemently in disgust.

Then Sipho's mom says: "Did you learn something from all this?

The poor little Sipho shakes his head, crying and says:

"I did. I've only been a white boy for 5 minutes and I'm already scared of you blacks!"

The Harley Biker

A Harley biker is riding by the zoo in Washington, DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage.

Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.

The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.

Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.

Always the way it happens. Things are all going your way, work is good, holidays are booked and then something has to come and give you a kick in the ass.

I ask you why does this happen? Is it the universe balancing your life out? Please help...

If you know why this happens then please get in touch and help a brother out.

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This is so true

Question:

How do you tell the difference between a British Police Officer,
an Australian Police Officer and an American Police Officer?

Answer:
Pose the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.
Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around
the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges.
You are carrying a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot.
You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

Bacon Bacon Truck

I have recently posted and a Joke about Bacon and I came across Epic Meal Time on YouTube. This is definitely a must watch. Please feel free to comment and give me your thoughts on it.

Where do we get bacon from

My wife was cooking breakfast this morning as my 4 year old daughter and I were at the kitchen table.
"Daddy", she asked pointing to the stove, "Where do we get bacon from?"
"Well poppet", I replied, "We get it from a pig."
"Wow", said my awestruck little girl. "What else do we get from the pig"
"A cup of tea and two rounds of toast if she fucking knows what's good for her", I answered as the wife sobbed over the frying pan.

Zimbawe's History

I found this drawing about Zimbabwe and It depicts Zimbabwe's history quite well. Check it out and get an idea about My country...

Is Karma Real?

Karma is it real??????

I ask this question as it seems that Karma is biting me in the ass at the moment. Why? So many reasons really. Don't get me wrong there are positives in this little story but there are big moments that I am blaming on Karma.

Point in case.... Negative - with money, Positive - I am going home for xmas.

So I ask you all....Is Karma Real?

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Hulk Hogan on the UK riots

As I have said in past posts about the London Riots, I am drawn to it and I am watching it on Sky News and following the updates on Twitter.

I was looking at posts by people around and Hulk Hogan has been trending so as the inquisitive guy I am I looked into it. Hulk Hogan has some advice on the London Riots. Click on the link and have a listen to him and his advice to the UK.

David Cameron take note

Sneijder and Manchester United

Manchester United have been very active this transfer break with key signs being made but they are still short of one play maker in mid field.

My first choice is Wesley Sneijder. He is a one of the top at the moment and would suit United down perfectly.

Come on MANU, just sign him and lets with all the trophies this season

Hooligans disgust me

I have been drawn to the Riots around London and I think it is so fucking disgusting what these Yobs, hooligans, youths are doing to the whole of the UK.

London is a broken city with all four corners of it being destroyed by fires but as with everything it goes too far. A man in Croydon was shot and has since died from his wounds. So this will not escalate the whole ordeal.

Also the yobs are not just attacking buildings but are attaching bystanders. Yes you heard me. Below is a video captured by a watcher. This gent was attacked and then mugged. I ask WHY would you do that to someone. DISGUSTING

Bring in the army and sort this shit out.

London is Burning

So most of you know that there has been a protest for a man in Tottenham but as with everything in this world they take it too far. London is Burning.

There is a building burning in Croydon, they have moved into Clapham Junction. Why do people think that they can do this.

They said that people where using Social networks to spread the word but police caught onto it so the hooligans are using Blackberry messenger and I believe Blackberry will give over all the private messages about the riots. I hope all the kids get locked up and ass raped by Bubba the big gay man.

Do you talk to your Friends?

I have a question for all you people who read Scabenga....

Do you actually communicate with any of your friends on Facebook???

and i do not mean by liking a picture or a post of theirs. This social network as it is so called is actually talking communication away from people. If you look back at all the methods on communication in history you will see that the lengths we communicate are getting shorter and with less meaning.

I bet you are umming and arring aren't you. OK lets look at it in more detail.

1 - The good old letter in the post. Do you remember writing a letter to your mother or your granny or to a friend in another country, you poured your heart into that letter and told them everything that has been going on in your life till the smallest detail and on the flip side when you received a letter like this you had the biggest smile on your face and you actually read through that letter not once but a few times.

2 - The introduction of email, what a revelation. you could send instant letters. This is brilliant and yes these are used a lot by people but lets be honest your emails are much shorter that letters as you can send 2 - 10 emails a day and in essence have a conversation. So the email is a shortening communication and with less information going into each email you send.

3 - Mobile phones and I am not meaning picking up a phone and calling, I am talking about SMS. Also instant like an email but much much shorter, in some cases only a few words at a time and don't get me started on the word abbreviation's.... lol, lmao, fml and the list goes on. Convos are shortened and the human brain shrinking for the kids of the world as they do not know how to spell any more.

4 - Instant messenger is another lovely tool developed for the internet for people communication, the main culprits are Skype, MSN, Google Chat and so on. This is just SMS while at work when you are not allowed on your mobile phones.

5 - Telephones and in this I will include mobile phones, when was the last time you had a proper chat with one of your friends? Because while you are Facebook Stalking your friends you feel like you have interacted with them that you do not have a lot to chat about and in actual fact you have said nothing to them. Communication is being lost.

So now we live in a world that revolves around Social Media and people are losing the whole idea about being Social with their friends. The idea of "liking " a status or a picture is the extent of you communication with a person, the question you have to ask...."Is that person your friend anymore?"

Interesting no.......

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How to explain "the birds and the bees" to kids